DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Never joke about your clitoris.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
