why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize