I'm gonna have a badass scar
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
