this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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