i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
