I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
you never un-have a 4some
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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