i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
