Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
