Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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