Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
