Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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