she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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