Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
