Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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