I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
