you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Randomize
