stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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