if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
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