Little spoons don't ask big questions
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I look excited, but its just a facade.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
