My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
