Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
