tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize