Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize