She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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