Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
