so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
