I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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