Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
