My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
