Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
