Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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