If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
