you turned your livingroom into a bong?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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