He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
