You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
