If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
well you can't waste a boner
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
