dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
