Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
