Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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