I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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