I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
