i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
