So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
