It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
