Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
