Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
