i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
