ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
