she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
