that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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