Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
