Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
