NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
The air was thick with penises
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
