I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize