the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
