look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
