oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
