I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my phone needs a breathalizer
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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