I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
