So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
no you cant smoke seaweed
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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