you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Randomize
