You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
