I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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