gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
