Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
