every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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