Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I can't turn off my feet"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
