My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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