Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
