I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize