Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
