drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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