I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
