I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
