Say something about gay babies.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
