Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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