The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
