I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
