So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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