Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
