I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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