Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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