well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
