If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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