it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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