I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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