fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
