I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
