There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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