this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
