question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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