Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
