I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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