So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
