I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
