My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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