This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
even my farts smell like vagina
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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