just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize