So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
