so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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