shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
FUCK WHALES
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
