How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
